And while they were there, the time came for her delivery,
Sometimes I sit and think why does my life feel like it's going backwards? I have this dream in my heart and I want to move forward, clearly I see it there but why does everything seem to lead me back?
Lord had brought me back here many times. In 2009 we (my ex husband and I) lived with my parents and a very frustrating 2013 moving back home. Now single mom with two boys, divorced and moving back home. It wasn't my ideal plan to say the least. Though I am eternally grateful for my parents open home to my boys and I, I find myself felling disappointed, confused and frustrated.
Coming back home for me was a major failure, a big mark on my forehead saying: this is my loser daughter who can't get her life together. Bad enough I have this audacious dream in my heart that feels so impossible and unattainable. Every day for a year I searched for a job and a way to get back on my own and every month seemed like one huge closed door. This frustration continued to grow and I found myself asking why?
I was tired. Tired of trying to make it happen myself and tired of believing in a lost cause. It was a Thursday morning, I laid in my bed telling The Lord "I have no more fight left.Should I just accept this is my life? No more chasing dreams, no more writing, no more thoughts of my own home...just no more."
My days are past, my purposes and plans are frustrated; even the thoughts (desires and possessions) of my heart [are broken off].
Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
His soft voice filled my room and his tender touch filled my heart. Tears began to fill my eyes.
"Lord I feel like I disappoint everyone I know, I feel like I disappoint you."
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’
For the Lord of hosts has purposed, and who can annul it? And His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?
"But Lord I feel so Lost"
My word is a lamp to guide your feet and a light for your path.
Sitting there in silence. I remembered "just believe". Maybe this was the place I had to be all the time. A place where I could get no glory. A place of completely reliance on God to do a miracle. Believing when I had not fight left. She is blessed because she believed.
There may be a circumstance that makes all things dreamed about seem impossible. You may be at square one. Again. But read Luke 1 a little closely, they were in Bethlehem, they were home. Sometimes God sends us to square one to birth a miracle, to inhabit a promise. Hold deeply that dream. Stand firm and when you are tired, rest. He has it all figured out.
For nothing is impossible with God. Luke 1:37
Be blessed, Carissa Deann
God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.
2 Corinthians 1:20
“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.