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Sunday, July 6, 2014

Lord I don't Trust You


So this morning I was teaching in the toddler room and the lesson was about Esau and Jacob. You know how Rebecca helped Jacob trick Esau into selling his birthright for soup so they can trick Isaac into blessing Jacob over Esau his first born and favorite.  In the lesson it asked the teacher to read the passage and think about how it could apply to her/him to better teach their students with their life.... Made me think all day because really this passage applies to me in many ways and convicts many areas of my life BUT the root of it all would be trust. Driving home from church and looking at my many Rebecca and Esau moments I thought Lord I don't trust you or trust what you say. 


Esau was implosive and didn't think of the consequences.  I can be also. But what really pierced my heart was Rebecca... Rebecca is an incredible woman of God in the early chapters. She served a servant in a way most people wouldn't even serve their master. Rebecca was an incredible woman of God. But somewhere in her journey she freaked out and started to not trust God. 


Maybe she saw the circumstance of her husbands heart? Maybe she tried to interpret the word The Lord gave her and it consumed her. We don't know but with circumstance and trying to do something herself she didn't trust God and it brought chaos and division into their family. 


We learn even in our most shameful failures God is still kind and merciful and what he spoke to her DID come to pass but she quickly learned it had nothing to do with what Isaac could do but what God had planned. It had nothing to do what she thought at all. God had a plan and if she had just trusted his word one day it would all make sense.  


The Lord said to her, “Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger.” Genesis 25:23


Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The Amazing Race: Marriage On Purpose

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but ONE receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. I Corinthians 9:24 


and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but ONE flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Mark 10:8-9 


There is power in partnership. There's a reason the amazing race has two. The Lord knew from the beginning it isn't good for man to be alone. So he made a partner. A person to stand with you, run with you, hold you up and sometimes carry you. There is power in partnership. Today look at the partner God gave you and really see how much they make you a bigger person. How they compliment you and build you up. See their strengths. After that see how you do that for them. Think about the vision you have for your life and forget about the circumstance. Circumstance is temporary. A stepping stone to the big picture. 


TD Jakes said this "when you pray first God will either change them or you. Just because you are right doesn't mean it always has to be said. Trust the creator." I loved that. To many times I found myself just sharing what was on my heart. I was so certain I was right but being right didn't change hurt. Those "right" words caused pain. We have a big picture. Our marriages are for purpose. When we trust God with the big picture we are able to have the strength and endurance to overcome every hurdle and understand every obstical. With Michael I didn't understand that. My gift as a wife being a person of inflight became my enemy. My job isn't to change him. My job was to encourage him with the word, speak life and powerfully pray over him. 


The Lord gave wives a special gift, a frustrating gift but a special one. Adam was created and given a purpose. He roamed the earth to find a partner but couldn't find him. In his sleep, his unknowing, God created that perfect partner. He kept her secret and close to his heart. Poured into her insight and vision.showed her the Land and the man he would become. She knew him, them before he knew himself. God will let you see your husband for who he will become before he even sees himself. It's not to beat him into it or change him but for you to be the keeper of your purpose, your dreams and future. To trust God and pray continually. Everyday, every moment, every night. You are the keeper of the home with powerful gifts. Cover your home with the blood, your marriage with his peace. Remember go to the throne before the phone. There is purpose in partnership. 



And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified. 

I Corinthians 9:25-26


Monday, March 3, 2014

Square one, and I'm trying to be a Circle.

And while they were there, the time came for her delivery, 
Luke 2:6 

Sometimes I sit and think why does my life feel like it's going backwards? I have this dream in my heart and I want to move forward, clearly I see it there but why does everything seem to lead me back?

Lord had brought me back here many times. In 2009 we (my ex husband and I) lived with my parents and a very frustrating 2013 moving back home. Now single mom with two boys, divorced and moving back home. It wasn't my ideal plan to say the least. Though I am eternally grateful for my parents open home to my boys and I, I find myself felling disappointed, confused and frustrated. 

Coming back home for me was a major failure, a big mark on my forehead saying: this is my loser daughter who can't get her life together. Bad enough I have this audacious dream in my heart that feels so impossible and unattainable. Every day for a year I searched for a job and a way to get back on my own and every month seemed like one huge closed door. This frustration continued to grow and I found myself asking why? 

I was tired. Tired of trying to make it happen myself and tired of believing in a lost cause. It was a Thursday morning, I laid in my bed telling The Lord "I have no more fight left.Should I just accept this is my life? No more chasing dreams, no more writing, no more thoughts of my own home...just no more." 

My days are past, my purposes and plans are frustrated; even the thoughts (desires and possessions) of my heart [are broken off]. 
Job 17:11 


Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 
Matthew 11:29 

His soft voice filled my room and his tender touch filled my heart. Tears began to fill my eyes. 

"Lord I feel like I disappoint everyone I know, I feel like I disappoint you."

This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ 
Jeremiah 6:16 

For the Lord of hosts has purposed, and who can annul it? And His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back? 
Isaiah 14:27 


"But Lord I feel so Lost"

My word is a lamp to guide your feet and a light for your path. 
(Psalms 119:105)

Sitting there in silence. I remembered "just believe". Maybe this was the place I had to be all the time. A place where I could get no glory. A place of completely reliance on God to do a miracle. Believing when I had not fight left. She is blessed because she believed. 

There may be a circumstance that makes all things dreamed about seem impossible. You may be at square one. Again. But read Luke 1 a little closely, they were in Bethlehem, they were home. Sometimes God sends us to square one to birth a miracle, to inhabit a promise. Hold deeply that dream. Stand firm and when you are tired, rest. He has it all figured out. 

For nothing is impossible with God.  Luke 1:37


Be blessed, Carissa Deann

Power Verses:

God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? 
Numbers 23:19

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. 
Proverbs 16:9 

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. 
2 Corinthians 1:20 


“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her. 
Luke 1:38 

Monday, February 24, 2014

The Black Swan

"No one loves me," Leah said. "I'm too ugly."


In a loud voice she exclaimed: “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear! 
Luke 1:42

I've always felt like Leah and never a Rachel. Felling insecure, deep down I was always so sad. Making insecurity with good deeds. Maybe if I do well my family, friends and peers would see worth in me. I wanted to be considered beautiful and looked up to also. But I was The black swan, I stood out and was pushed aside.I realized though, being Leah is actually a blessing.

 I has to Stop looking around me and start realizing what's IN me! There are nations and princes being birthed in me and from me! 

God has positioned you for greatness and just when you think you've lost where you are really purposed He will show off through you! Amen! Leah felt outcasted and unimportant. Why was Rachel getting all the praise when Leah did all the work? Why did Jacob see Rachel as a blessing and not Leah? 

We have to come to a place where we ask: do I please man or God? Do I want man's will or God's? 

When we begin to get our eyes off of man and set them wholly on The Lord joy begins to fill us and we begin to see clearly the blessing we have in every situation and lonely place. 

My son's storybook bible shares it a little better. Be proud Leah God has anointed YOU! 



"But God didn't think she was ugly. And when he saw that Leah was not loved and that no one wanted her, God chose her - to love her specially, to give her a very important job. One day, God was going to rescue the world - through Leah's family.

Now when Leah knew that God loved her, in her heart, suddenly it didn't matter anymore whether her husband loved her best, or if she was the prettiest. Someone had chosen her, someone did love her - with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.

So when had a baby boy she called him Judah, which means, "This time I will praise the Lord!" And that's what she did.

And you'll never guess what job God gave Leah. You see, when God looked at Leah, he saw a princess. And sure enough, that's exactly what she became. One of Leah's children's children would be a prince - the Prince of Heaven - God's Son.

This Prince would love God's people. They wouldn't need to be beautiful for him to love them. He would love them with all his heart. And they would be beautiful because he loved them.

Like Leah."

Keep Faith And Be Blessed, Carissa Deann

Power Verses:

And blessed (happy, to be envied) is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of the things that were spoken to her from the Lord. 
(Luke 1:45 AMP)

Then his people believed his promises. Then they sang his praise. 
(Psalms 106:12 NLT)
 
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him. Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods. 
(Psalm 40:2-4 NIV)

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

But I Don't want to.

In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. 
Genesis 4:3-5 


So with my best efforts I'm trying to teach the boys about giving. They have this pretty piggy bank. When I have extra cash or change I'll bring it down and give them the money to put in there. Eli always gets super excited about putting the money in the piggy and will even search for change around my purse and room to put more. While today josh was not so enthused. Josh had his pennies gripped in his little hand so mad at me that I was having him give it away. Right then I said "I'm sorry Lord"

So many times we look at our tithe or offering as an obligation rather than a choice to give back knowing God has special plans with that obedience and that store house. I know myself not having a steady income it's easy to hold onto that money rather than see the blessing of giving. 

We read about two brothers. One gave his best while the other gave what was left over. Do we give our best? The first of our little incomes? The first of our days? The first of our months or the first of our years? Do we give joyfully? I'll admit I don't always do. But lately I've really searched my heart and really desire to. Desire to make Jesus first in my life in every way. I trust him completely. 

I'm going to cash in that piggy bank and use the money to take the boys to do something they love and enjoy. Joshy doesnt know that. But I do. When you give your tithe, time and walk in obedience God sees that. He has something special in store for you. You may not know the details but he does <3�� trust him. 

Be blessed, Carissa Deann


Power Verse: 

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Romans 4:18

Sunday, February 9, 2014

God makes dreams come True: Happy Birthday Elijah!

Answer me, Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again.” Then the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench. When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, “The Lord —he is God! The Lord —he is God!” 
1 Kings 18:37-39 

Now Joseph was the governor of the land, the person who sold grain to all its people. So when Joseph’s brothers arrived, they bowed down to him with their faces to the ground. Genesis 42:6 

When I was in High School I had a dream that The Lord would give me a son and his name was Elijah Joseph. I was sixteen. The promise was that he would be my first born and that he would serve God boldly. I held that close to my heart. 

When I was 20 I found out I was pregnant. At 16 weeks I sat on that doctors table waiting to see that little baby on the monitor. It was a boy. My first born son Elijah Joseph born February 10, 2010.... 

I share this with you one because that beautiful promise turns 4 years old tomorrow and two I want to encourage you to believe in the Gifts of the spirit and that you will receive ALL that God has for you! God still moves like it is written and if you trust him you will be blessed beyond measure seeing the hand of God move in your life. 

Four years after the dream I met my son. Luke 1:45 she is blessed because she BELIEVED God would do what he said he would do.

Eli is more than I could ever dream. Literally. That dream was just a glimpse of the fullness he is or will become. But I trust God and believe all he says. 

I pray today you start believing in the impossible. Believe in the Holy Spirit and allow the Power of God to move in you and through you! 

Be  Blessed, Carissa Deann

Power Verses:

Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” Luke 1:45 

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” Acts 1:8 

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8 

“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.” Revelation 1:8 




Thursday, February 6, 2014

I missed You.

"Honey, it may be time to let it go and lay it at the alter. Trust God sweetie. He knows what he is doing"

Tears rolling down my face like deep title waves of emotion. My mentor's words dug deep in my heart. I knew she was right but hearing her sweet voice over that phone was not what I wanted to hear. 

God why does it have to be this way? Why do I have to go through this? My heart was heavy and ready but the work he was doing was not done. 

"Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. 
Hosea 2:6 "

I found myself confused and frustrated. Nothing I knew was happening and I felt God had left me. I felt like I was in a dark hole and I wasn't able to get out. There I fell in love. 

In my bitterness and anger The Lord found me and loved me. He drew me closer to his chest and as much as I resisted. As much as I felt unworthy he still called me. He was jealous for me. Did I idolize a promise over him? Was I more concerned over the prophesy than my intimacy?

Yes. 

I had fallen deeply in love with my future. Jesus the man who died for me was calling out for me. Hid me deep in his hand and wouldn't let me go. But I kept trying to run. I didn't trust him. Honest, I didn't trust anyone. I knew in my heart I wasn't letting go of my pain. My insecurity of feeling unworthy to be a woman of God held me back. God wanted to love me, wanted to lead me to that future but I wanted to run. It was easy to talk about the one day but I was afraid of today. 

These walls came crashing down and I was left with no fight left. God had me just where he wanted me. In the wilderness alone with him. 


“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. 
Hosea 2:14 "

I love God, I've always loved God. He wanted me to love deeper though. This love I've never experienced. I prayed that God would surface my impurities. Make me deal with my past. I realized I was searching for this unconditional love. 

Could a man know my insecurities and love me? All I've ever wanted to hear was my father say I love you just as you are. I'll never hear that. I wanted a boy to say you are the one I've prayed about but I never was. I wanted my ex husband to say I was worth fighting for but he never did. I wanted unfailing love but never found it. 

A future I felt I'd never reach. Until one day I heard a gentle voice that said. Beloved, you are the one I have been waiting for. You are the one I created. You are my dear, my lovely, I hold you close to me and I never want to let you go. I have died for you and my love is unfailing. Come to me Carissa. Dwell in me. 

"Who is wise? Let them realize these things. Who is discerning? Let them understand. The ways of the Lord are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them. Hosea 14:9"

His sweet love wrapped around me and everything I was searching for I found in the dark. Nothing is more important than the Love of God. And as your future unfolds how beautiful is his majesty how wonderful is his love. Delight in him. October 2013 I let it go. I laid it down and began to trust him. My life has not been the same�� 


Be blessed, Carissa Deann